Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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