I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
