Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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