Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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