Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
nutella sex= disaster
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
