i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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