So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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