I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
