I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
