I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
