i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
