And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
