are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
