I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
