I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you would pick up someone in the library
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
