My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
