they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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