Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
