I wannas sexs uuuuu
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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