stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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