i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
