Where is the hickey?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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