Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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