So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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