I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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