the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
