At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
