We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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