come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
