Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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