i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
