I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
