My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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