the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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