Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
