I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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