My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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