now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
