The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
