look no pants
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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