dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
