I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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