Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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