she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
