I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
someone owes me an orgasm
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
