Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
