using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Farmville is her only friend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
