I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
