I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
