i think i have two assholes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
