she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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