Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
