i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
